The entire world has descended into madness. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d have to type, let alone believe. It’s the very thing that Hollywood would bake into a movie plot. Then again, 2020 has certainly given us a LOT to reflect on. Start with an entire continent on fire, most of us probably thought “that’s probably as crazy as it’s going to get” and then…murder hornets? WHAT?! But 2020 wasn’t done with the surprises and in late March, lockdown for COVID-19 happened. Masks everywhere and businesses across the globe shut their doors. Wild and crazy times indeed. But you’re not here to learn about current events or what’s happening on celebrity TV. No, you’re here for a much more important purpose. You’re here to read a beer review! Speaking of those, long time no review, huh? WhyY, I see you man, so sit tight as I unravel my next tale of suds.
“I awoke with a grail in my hand
I sipped it as I went down the octagonal stairway“
Beer: The Octagonal Stairway (Ghost 859)
Brewery: Adroit Theory (Collab with Pig Destroyer)
Style: Imperial Milk Stout
Untappd Description: “This is a collaboration with the band Pig Destroyer, and was brewed to coincide with their new EP: The Octagonal Stairway. This is a brand new Imperial Milk Stout. Rich, Creamy, and Decadent. And enough ABV to remind you that Adroit Theory + Pig Destroyer are not to be toyed with.“
Enjoy In: Belgian Tulip, Goblet, The Stairway, Pig’s head, whatever…
Enjoy At: 50-55 degrees Fahrenheit
“Compassion was my weakness
I declared war for no reason“
Pour the deep, rich, dark liquid into your drinking vessel of choice and prepare to be assaulted by furious guitar rifts made for your tastebuds! Hang on, that’s not how music and beer works. Is it? No, you can’t hear with your tongue! At least, humans can’t. Either way, this brew is raucously delicious and I’m not just saying that because I’ve got the song blaring into my eardrums at nearly unsafe levels. Clearly I’m doing something wrong if I can still think straight, right? Too many questions, not enough content.
Okay! So what does a beer made by a brewmeister and a band look like? Better question is; what does it drink like? I tried not to ask more questions, but I promise it’ll be worth it, because one does not simply put sip a 10.5% stout from Adroit Theory after they’ve collaborated with prolific Virginian Grindcore band called Pig Destroyer. No, what you do is blow out your audio equipment and thump your skull while you chug can after can of the stuff. Don’t spill it! How dare you spill a drop of this velvet elixir! Of course, this is all just a suggestion because this wonderful stout shouldn’t actually be slammed down your gullet. It should indeed be savored and enjoyed to the delightful sounds of music. In fact, what are you listening to, and why is it Pig Destroyer’s Octagonal Stairway EP? Lavish in its silky smooth texture and bathe in the drinkability of a stout that, based on ABV alone, should not go down this easy. This bittersweet highway sits idly behind the glass. Tight, toffee brown head serving as the thin veil between lips and rowdy lactose laced comfort. Brutal milk and dark chocolate notes pummel your tongue as the Big Damn Beer races down your esophagus. There is nothing left but take another glug. Raise your vessel and begin the process again!
My Untappd Score: ****-1/2
Global Rating: 3.93 (as of 10/9/20)
Editor’s note: The Octagonal EP may or may not have been blasting through my headphones while this review was being written. Pig Destroyer’s influence may or may not have found their way into some of the paragraphs herein.